Love, Sex and Sonam
"I think sex is an expression of love. I think it’s a beautiful way of expressing your love,’’ says Sonam Kapoor as she talks about love, relationships and men
Let’s start with simple things, first. What does ‘love’ mean to you?
That’s a really complicated question. (Thinks) Love is finding someone to be with, someone who is your partner for life and stuff like that. But love just doesn’t mean romantic love you know. Love has different manifestations. It can range from maternal love to friendship. For me, it means a really strong emotion that makes you act in a selfless way.
Hate is the other side of love. I think when you hate someone it is just misguided love.
How would you describe the feeling of being in love?
I don’t know. I have rarely been in love. Honestly, I have never met somebody that I have completely been in love with. Obviously, I have been in relationships. Of course, every relationship starts off with attraction and eventually you do love the person. I have always loved the guy I was in a relationship with but I don’t know if I was ever in love with anybody. That hasn’t happened to me --- yet.
Does falling for someone happen to you often? And easily?
It doesn’t happen often. Nor easily. But when I do fall for someone, I fall real hard. At the same time if I am over someone I can just snap out of it. I don’t carry too many residual feelings.
Your known relationships have been with really low-profile, behind-the-scenes guys. Is there any particular `Sonam type’?
Honestly, I have made it a rule since I started working that I would not talk about my relationships because I need my private life to be private --- everything else is so public. Once everyone starts talking about relationships, they want to know where you are going on a holiday and which side of the bed you sleep on… I don’t want that to be my life. Moreover, it takes the focus away not just from my work but from me as a person as well. So, it is not about low profile guys. I have dated high profile guys as well. It is just that I have made it very clear to them that if I am dating them, telling our friends and family is fine but making it into a public statement is not okay. I need the guy to respect that about me. The day I decide to get married, everyone will know.
Have you ever consciously broken someone’s heart?
I haven’t consciously broken anyone’s heart, but I have never been dumped. So, whenever you break-up with someone, you eventually break their hearts. I hope that has not been the case. I don’t ever want to hurt someone I love or who loves me. But I have never been at the receiving end, so I guess I must have. I really feel bad about that happening but there’s always been a point where both of us have realised that things were not going to work out. Most of the time the break-ups have been mutual --- but I don’t know… All I can say is, I have never consciously broken anyone’s heart or intended to hurt anyone. I don’t want to be that kind of person.
When you break-up with someone, do you still stay friends with the other person?
Oh, yes… I am friends with all my ex-boyfriends.
Have you ever said ‘I love you’ without meaning it? Off-screen, of course!
Yes. Lots of times --- lots!
Has anyone told you that they would always be there for you? Do you believe they would?
Yes. All my ex-boyfriends have told me that they would always be there for me. And they are. I don’t think there has been a person whom I have called and he hasn’t been there for me --- to help me out of a tricky situation or be my date when I needed one. I am fortunate that there have always been people who have been there for me.
Does anyone have something intimate belonging to you… like a lock of hair or a photograph in a wallet?
No! No! That’s freaky --- unless, of course, someone has secretly taken something intimate belonging to me. That to my mind is a stalker-like tendency and I hope I haven’t dated someone like that! But I haven’t voluntarily given a lock of hair or something to anyone. I have a little bit of a commitment phobia you know. So, I don’t think I will ever part with something that intimate belonging to me. I think I need to find somebody who I fall really hard for to get that kind of freakiness out from me. But I haven’t found anyone yet.
Whom do you miss from your past? Have you ever tried to get in touch with them?
Of course, when you are dating someone you spend so much time with that person. And then suddenly when you break it off that presence is missed. But it is always in a good way. I don’t have regrets so I have never wanted that person back. If a relationship has ended, it has ended for a reason. If there were a future, I would never have ended it. Of course I miss the friendship but I have always made it a point to stay friends with my exes. So, they are all present in my life.
When was the last time you actually wrote a letter?
In this age of SMS and BBM what’s the need to write a letter?
And a love-note/poem?
No. I am the one who gets love notes and poems. I am always at the receiving end of the good stuff (laughs). I am blessed that way. I think I will fall hard for a person who makes me work hard to gain his affection. I have always had it slightly easy, so when it’s the other way round --- when I have to run after a guy maybe… I need someone who is hard to get.
What is more difficult for you, looking into someone’s eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someone’s eyes when they are telling you how they feel?
I don’t think that has ever been a problem for me. That’s why I am an actor. That’s my job. I am doing this on a daily basis. But even in real life, I am very expressive and I am an honest and direct person. So, I never have any problems looking into anybody’s eyes for whatever reasons.
Does love = sex?
Yes, for sure. I don’t look at sex as an exercise. I think sex is an expression of love. I think it’s a beautiful way of expressing your love. I have very healthy attitude towards it. But I honestly equate it with love. I am not a promiscuous person. I won’t judge anyone else who does, but I personally don’t believe in casual sex. There has to be love and commitment involved.
What is harder for you to tell a guy --- that you love him or that you do not love him back?
For me, both are hard. I don’t think either are easy statements to express. You are either hurting someone or you are risking getting hurt.
What makes someone a best friend?
Loyalty. That’s about it. I am fortunate to have extremely loyal friends and I really love them a lot.
Have you ever risked a friendship by telling someone you liked them?
No. It is strange but I don’t think of guys who are my friends in that light. It is freaky and weird.
Did you try to change for a person?
No, I don’t have Julia Roberts’ syndrome from Runaway Bride. I know a lot of girls who do stupid things. I am a really strong individual. I have always been like that. I think you need to find someone who complements your personality.
Who makes you laugh the most?
My dad. My family. If they make a reality show around my family, it would be hilarious (laughs).
What makes you angry?
Dishonesty, unprofessionalism and mediocrity.
When you’re angry do you get loud or quiet?
Depends. I am a Gemini. I have like seven people hidden in me. So, even I cannot predict how I would react!
Would you get someone’s name tattooed on your body?
No. I have my own name tattooed on my body. They can go and get my name tattooed on theirs!
What’s the most romantic thing a special someone has done for you?
A lot of people have done a lot of romantic things for me --- like flying down at a moment’s notice, or asking my sister what I would like and getting it for me. But I believe the most romantic thing anyone can do for you is actually become close to the people you are close to so that they can be a part of your life. Romance is in the small things. It is not in the big, grand gestures at all.
Whose opinion about you do you value the most?
My sister Rhea’s.
Five words of advice on love.
Commitment. Honesty. Sex. Food and travel. These five things can make or break a relationship. For me at least (laughs).
Three lessons learnt from relationships.
Don’t make promises you can’t keep.
Don’t love someone more than they love you.
Family comes first.
Plans for V’s Day?
I don’t believe in Valentine’s Day. It is a stupid holiday created by card companies. I think it is a redundant concept.
Boyfriends, a Birkin bag or beach bumming
Red, Pink or Black
Chocolates, flowers or a voucher (from a luxury outlet)
A long drive, candle-lit dinner or bungee jumping
A Versace gown, lingerie from Victoria’s Secret, Jimmy Choo shoes or a Chanel bag
All of them
Chanel No. 5, Anais Anais or Tom Ford’s Black Orchid
Michael by Michael Kors
Nina Simone, The Beatles or Green Day
Gone With The Wind, Casablanca or Pretty Woman
Gone With The Wind
George Clooney, Will Smith or James Franco
What is one thing you could never forgive?
What’s the best route to your heart?
Food. You feed me and you are gonna be a lucky guy.
Do you like to cuddle?
Yes. Doesn’t everyone?